omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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