he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
