Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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