I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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