So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
