I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
