I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
third nipple confirmed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
