My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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