I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
