why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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