We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
