I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
