i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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