Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
