If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
