I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
