Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
