My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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