he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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