my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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