you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
