ugly people sure do ruin things
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
