I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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