Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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