He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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