I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
