New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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