the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
