I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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