Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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