Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
