So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
