..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh god it's open bar.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
