I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize