Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
