There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Randomize
