3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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