My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
