I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize