Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
