he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
