After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
