i would punch a child for taco bell
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
