so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
