He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
