So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will be naked everywhere
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
