he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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