He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
