let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just pee around me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
