i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
