My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
