Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
