Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
whose parrot is this?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
