i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
