You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
