But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
