I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
