Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
