God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
