I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
