Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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