Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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