you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
